Yup, I’ve been slacking. Sorry, but it’s exhausting trying to work as a server, build a photography business AND grow a human in you.
Speaking of which, my due date is only two weeks away as of today. It has certainly been an interesting and, at times, odd experience. For the most part, it’s been calm and I’ve been calm. I’ve been managing my depression and bipolar disorder for years without medication. Sometimes, I feel prickly and can sense a lot of the symptoms coming to the surface. Thankfully, it’s only briefly. Even working as a server and lifting, twisting, hustling isn’t quite as bad as I had imagined it would be. I thought that by this point in my pregnancy, that the physical work would be completely unbearable and that I’d basically be a vegetable, unable to move. But, in fact, I got almost borderline offended when someone was shocked that my doctor was still allowing me to work so close to my due date.
Yes, I get out of breath. Yes, I can’t move into all of the positions that I normally would have, pre-pregnancy. Yes, I’m sweating like a damn summertime construction worker. But I am not dying, bedridden, disabled or weaker! I 100% thought I would feel as though I was. But I feel fine. Aside from the sometimes-out-of-breath, sweating and slightly limited range of mobility, I feel great and almost normal at times. Don’t get me wrong, I can’t wait to have a Corona and get down on the floor to play with the dogs and SLEEP ON MY STOMACH, OMG.
I’m not nervous at all about bringing Conor home; despite everyone’s bewilderment and obvious state of panic when I say that I’ve never held a baby. Dude, it’ll be fine. Do you know how hard it is to break a kid? I’m not going to drop him or accidentally break his neck. He’ll be fine. What I am nervous about is what the lack of sleep will do to my mental illness symptoms and what the stress will do to my relationship. I think that we are in the best place that we have ever been in, but it still worries me. I’ve read so many articles and testimonials about how the first kid almost ruined their relationship. But it seems like these were all from women who were attempting to be stay-at-home-moms that ended up despising their partner because they got to leave and go to work where they got a break and to interact with other adults. I have zero plans to be a SAHM. I know me and I know that would drive me nuts. We are lucky enough to have mothers that no longer work, so we have free babysitters whenever we want. Perhaps the stress will not be as prominent in our relationship as a result of me quickly returning to work.
That turned into much more of a Where I Am With My Pregnancy Update stream of consciousness, but whatevs!